Its just like a party - the easy readers guide to good forum manners

(Cross posted from the Aussie Bloggers blog - with the obvious typo removed...)

Let me first assure you, I am no expert – in etiquette, in netiquette or in real life socialising.

Having said that, forums are pretty much like parties. Some are pretty wild, others tea and cucumber sandwiches. There are those that prefer formal invitees only, while others are a free for all.

Some you walk into and feel like you are immediately at home – others would prefer you to wipe your feet and admire the fine china before you can check out the wine rack.

Some you have to dress up for, others prefer fancy dress while there are those where a warm jumper over old jeans is just fine.

Here are just a few tips your Auntie Jeanie has picked up during her 7 years as a member of various forums. They are things that can be applied to real life as to unreal virtual.

1. When you walk in to a forum, you are allowed to check out the lay of the land. Sometimes forums will have a guideline of where and how to introduce yourself to the others. It does pay to read it, because it saves the embarrassment of stepped on toes or having to hold your coat all night. Generally there is somewhere to introduce yourself – if so, do so. Walking up to a group of people and giving your opinion without sparing a thought for this nicety will generally elicit funny looks (and a discrete – or not so discrete – push in the direction of the introduction zone).
2. Don’t walk in the door and immediately start to “sell”. As in real life, people get their backs up immediately and think “even if that were the best vacuum cleaner in the world I wouldn’t touch it”. There is a time and place – bide your time and you may find the place for your passionate pitch.
3. Check out how the other posters are “dressed”. If there is a dearth of glitter and tickers that tell you how long its been since you fed your goldfish, it may well be that people prefer it that way. If every poster has elaborate bling endorsing every post then you can glam up or be the classic stylist.
4. Don’t cry if no-one talks to you straight away. Find a conversation that you can add your wisdom to and add it. Ask a relevant question. Be open. There are comments that will generate more discussion and there are those that will shut it right down. Unfortunately, as in life, learning which is which is trial and error.
5. Try not to slam another poster down. Of course, in some forums this is de rigueur – but I don’t really move in those circles. There are also some people who will “troll” any board they can and make inflammatory statements to get responses. It is best to ignore these folk and hope they will go away quietly (or be asked to leave by the bouncers).
6. If a forum is for Grand Masters in a certain craft and you don’t hold the qualification, advise them and try not to look too stupid. It is never stupid to ask questions of the wise, but it is unwise to try and outwit them in their field. If a forum is for the hoi polloi and you are one of the chosen few, try to hide your disdain for their unwashed status in the ways of your speciality. You will be far more revered if you drop your pearls judiciously and in a manner they can understand.
7. Not everyone understands sarcasm. Not everyone will listen to SHOUTING. Some people have personal issues about ellipses… Oh and fragmented sentences. Exclamation marks!!! Until you really know who you are talking to, it is best to try and be clear. Likewise, if someone has got your back up, it is best to ask for clarity before you get too defensive or attack.
8. Do not pretend to be something you are not. In the days of modern technology, if you pretend to be a lap dancer from Utah and you are actually a Mormon from Calcutta, chances are that if you manner doesn’t find you out, your IP address will.
9. If you form a few special friendships that is great! Most forums have Private Messages where you can have conversations you don’t want others to be involved with. If you post a message to the board it is there for all to see. If you think you form a special friendship but it is actually more like harassment or stalking you may be asked to leave. Do so quietly – it is so pathetic to leave nail marks as you are heaved through the door.
10. Sex, religion and politics should only be raised if (a) the forum is specifically for sex, religion and/or politics, or (b) if it is pertinent. I have seen more boards melt down during the run up to US elections than I have ever been members of. (This rule also applies for posting jokes, I have learned the hard way).
11. Have fun. If you can’t have fun, learn something, add something, ask something and feel comfortable doing so there is no locked door policy that says you have to stay. In fact, you don’t even NEED to make an excuse about your cat being in labour or picking the kids up from the ex – better than real life in that way.
12. If you are an old hand at the forum and someone does introduce themselves, it is nice to say g’day back to them. I am still unsure if it is okay to do a generic “g’day all” if you have been out of the room for a while – but try to be nice to the newbies.
13. If you enjoy yourself and everyone is having a good time, you are allowed to call your friends and have them join in. Generally, the more the merrier. So long as everyone plays together happily, the party will go on until the internet crashes!

So there you have it - Forums are just like parties - play nice and the others will play with you, give kudos to the hosts and you will be invited back.