The Lazy Bloggers Post Generator
Choose Exclamation!
OMG!
OMFG!
Far Out
Wholy smoke
Holy Snapping Duck Do!
F*** me dead
Geez
Peter Pan!
Abject apologies
Darling
Foreign
Dudes
strewth!
Crikey!
Holy crap!
Goodness Gracious
Blimey!
Good heavens!
Oh My Gosh!
Good Gravy!
Holy Blog Of Doom, Batman!
Oh for crying out loud!
Holy Catfish!
Jeepers!
Holy Cow
I just
choose what happened
realised
remembered
discovered
found out
got slapped with a wet salmon - really -
got a bajillion whiny emails saying
opened mine eyes, and lo!
had a terrible scare when I thought
twigged that
figured out
had a cup of tea and realised
woke up to the fact
terrible dreadful fear
scared panicked dread
totally realised
noticed
climbed out from under my rock and realised
returned from my daily swim on the beautiful Fijian beach and realised
checked and
received your letters from the postman and realised that
got hit on the head and recalled that
I have not updated this since
Choose how long it has been.
the 9th
the 21st
last month
last year
1999
Paris Hilton was in jail
they let me out!
long before Shakespeare wast a boy
people stopped clapping and Tinkerbell died
you last visited
I fell in love
the long board was invented
Hammertime was in the charts
petrol was cheaper than a bottle of Grange!
they invented sliced bread
the sun was actually shining in Melbourne
I had to start working to pay the ridiculous food and petrol prices to feed my kids
dearest Mummy was still alive
Hawke was Prime Minister
Howard was Prime Minister
the Clintons were in the Whitehouse
you would not believe
Choose what they would not believe.
I spend all my time in front of a computer
how insane my life has become
how tidy my house now is
I'm normally a control freak
it only hurts when I laugh
the amount of people that are totally stalking me
my anguish at my misdoings
that my hands were chopped off and I was waiting for bionic ones
the fairy dust I have to clean up
that I actually have a life
how much more of a drama I could make that
the phat set coming through right now
that I'd been abducted by aliens
how much it's costing me
how heavy that rock really is
how hard it is being waited on hand and foot and generally lounging around
the amount they eat
how terribly tardy the Victorian internet can be
.
Choose from this assortment of goodies.
Apologies!
I'm so sorry!
Please don't abandon me!
I hope you still love me!
Apologies to my regular readers! Even the little blue ones!
I hope they bring chocolate!
I prostrate myself in sorrow and beg thy forgiveness.
Cheers Mate.
Seriously!
Not just a second one.
I'm a blogger so I will though!
Dudes!
But I'm sorry you'll just have to take my word for it.
Unbelievable
My bad.
Truly!
Stupid Global Warming!
Whenever will they invent electricity!
Choose what you've been.
busy
flat out
frantic
so busy
tied up
totally exhausted
lost in a sea of pseudo-olde-english
going ahead
not going to post now
devastated
caught inside
overwhelmed
distracted
totally and utterly flat out
absorbed
flat out like a lizard drinking
absolutely consumed
swamped
out of it
swilling chardonnay
hopped up on caffeine
with
Choose what you've been busy doing.
work
sleeping my way to the top
keeping up with my favourite daytime soaps
making meals
silk ropes
setting fire to people wearing Crocs
only your readership as life preserver
an awfully big adventure
any regularity
discovering time doesn't stand still
my brahs
responding to fanmail
my obsession of saving money
a weight-lifting regime
my tan
feeding the little people
waiting for a fine young gentleman to propose
curling my hair
learning to play lawn bowls
cutting my toe nails
finding Jesus (after someone told me he was lost)
,
Choose what else you've been busy doing.
personal projects
learning to speak Japanese
soaking in the tub
homeschooling five children
being distracted by the shiny
sleeping
a ticking crocodile
commitments
hoping you haven't found other blogs
waiting for the onshore winds
learning to fart the theme to neighbours
driving from one end of the city to the other
rock crushing
the waiting staff
spending my husband's money
planning my wedding
choosing my retirement village
watching Dexter
hanging out at the Aussie Bloggers Forums
selling my soul to Google
watching the grass grow
, just generally being
Choose what you are being.
a mother
a parent
a companion
the life of the party
a nuisance
a biatch
asleep, dreaming and chancing
a Darling
not online in order
a nuisance
an embarrassment
a slave
a hindrance
a pain
a delightful mistress
a terrible burden
a doormat
scary
a worry
of great concern
Snow White
to
Choose who you are being this to.
my kids
my husband
my cats
my dogs
my friends
my colleagues
my employer
anyone unfortunate to cross my path
various lawyers I met recently
every Lost Boy that crosses my path
recognise my children again
the locals
my local police
the taxman
society in general
the servants
my partner
the secret service
the bodyguards of the blogger I am stalking
every man and his dog
my psychologist
, my day
Choose what your day is or does.
seems to be packed
is full to overflowing
goes
starts
seems to be a litany of stuff and giggles
pisses me off
is a magical flight
is full to bursting
is passing in a blur
starts with the dawn patrol
often feels wasted
drifts aimlessly
is filled with fluorescent light
sprawls
drinking
is dreadfully busy
is long and tiring
is fun and exciting
seems to involve the authorities
is a nightmare I would like to wake up
from
Choose when your day starts.
8am
3am
lunchtime
4am
the second I am woken by murderous Teletubbies
dusk
the second star on the right, straight on
work
crawling out of bed at 6.30
beach break
sun-up
now
midday
sun up
mid-morning
when the nightclubs close
the first cockadoodledoo from the rooster
the moment my children manage to unlock my bedroom door and use me as a jumping castle
my partner kicking me out of bed
dawn
the light through yonder window breaks
to
Choose when your day ends.
midnight
11pm at which point I fall asleep on the couch
I feel like going to bed
way past dusk
I am begging my kid to go to sleep or so help me God that kid will be decorating my wall, 'Duct tape still life'
dawn
dusk
morning
home
I see my darling's 10000 text messages
reef break
midnight
well after sun-down
never
whenever
sun down and beyond
early afternoon
I run out of alcohol
. I am
Choose what you are.
not complaining though
totally exhausted
happy with that
so tired
avoiding recapture
so tired of my kids wanting me to give them attention and stuff
wondering if I paid mine electricity bill
not growing up
hoping one day they will call me 'mummy' again
smitten
totally loving it, dudes
looking at rectifying this
so exhausted
not being a whinging Pom or anything
convinced that I absolutely deserve this after all my hard work
beyond drunk most of the time
quite the socialite
putting money aside so I can run away
plotting and planning
secretly pregnant
wearing my budgie smugglers
.
Choose possibly cliched saying.
life happens
I need a nap
life is good
but who cares
it will be fun fun fun till they take my TBird away
can't they see I am blogging
perchance
but never say never
and that I can take that big badge off my head that says bad mother
I need some perspective
primo
maybe tomorrow
my kids think I don't make sense any more
but this damned rock is heavy
I wish you could be here to share it
deal with it
as well you should know
life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get
. I
Choose one of these.
promise
swear
make a solemn vow
solemnly swear
swear on the bones of my ancestors
go, my lords and ladies; just
vow
hope you are having a good life
send you kisses
totally promise
swear on my mother's grave
promise that
won't promise anything to you but
declare solemnly
probably
absolutely, positively promise
hope that one day
will try to remember I promised you
Choose what you will do.
I will make more of an effort to blog more often
I will blog more regularly
to post at least once a month
to update at least once a week
I will make more of an effort to blog more often until the nice men in the white coats come back
if one more person emails me to ask why I haven't posted today I will start posting pictures of toe fungus, or fecal murals
think of me as I battle mine enemies
I will blog about it when I find my way home
and that your kids recognise you
although very chaste ones
I will get online again after this next set
I will update you with my nefarious activities as soon as I get a chance
I will write something that makes sense soon
you will see me writing more to you in the future
that when the weather turns bad, I will blog more often
won't blog until the next time booze prices go up and I have to get sober for a while
to send a missive out on the wire, post-haste
I will try to remember my blog password more often in future
Choose something that might make your readers think you mean it!
Truly!
Seriously!
What?
Promise!
Peace!
You wanna test me?
Go with God, good friends.
Honestly!
If you have kids.
Until I need your shoulder to cry on.
Fully!
I promise!
Well, I'll try.
No, really!
You have my word!
Sorry!
Sincerest apologies.
Choose from these final words.
I mean it!
No Joke!
What do you mean you don't believe me?
I really, truly promise!
Seriously?
Until my paycheck dawneth.
The Piccaninnies say I have to!
Cats if you don't.
Or if he morphs into an a$$.
Assuming I don't get distracted by counting my chest hairs.
Don't hold your breath though, you're likely to turn blue.
I will write more to certain yous; but it might not be you in particular who I write to.
Unless of course the pool with the cocktail bar is heated!
Just the way life is!
This is for my ever faithful, devoted public.
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